Commit! | Ephesians 5:25-31 | June 30 | Derek Neider

Speaker [00:00:06] We're in Ephesians chapter five. We're going to start in verse 25. Husbands. You ready for this? All right. All right, all right. All right, here we go. Verse 25 husbands. What do you suppose to do? Oh my gosh. Oh my gosh. You know, it's not often that I don't know what to say. Husbands love your wives as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her, that he might sanctify her, having cleansed her by the washing of the water with the word, so that he might present the church to himself in splendor, without spot or wrinkle, or any such thing, that she might be holy and without blemish. In the same way. Husbands say in the same way you say in the same way husbands should love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself. So should come easy for us. For no one ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes and cherishes it just as Christ does the church, because we are members of his body. Therefore a man shall leave his father and mother and hold fast to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh. This mystery is profound, and I'm saying that it refers to Christ and the church. However, let each one of you love his wife as himself, and let the wife see that she respects her husband. Her husband. Okay. Y'all ready for this? We better pray first. Father, thank you for your word. Thank you for your truth. Thank you that you don't pull punches. Thank you that you don't sugar coat. Thank you that you don't, stroke our ego. Father, we pray that there would be a just a rich, full, deep moving of your Holy Spirit in this room and God online because we know the stakes are great.

Speaker [00:02:44] God, we know the stakes are great. And even though our world has a low view of the Institute of Marriage, father, we know it's so much greater. And so speak to us. God, we pray in Jesus name. Amen. Amen. You can have a seat today. You know, if you're in your devotional time and maybe you've kind of, like, have hit a wall a little bit and you don't know what book to read next. Sometimes that happens. You know, we we read and we have a good routine and then we finish a book or, you know, we're going through the Bible and we get to the end of revelation. We don't know what to read next. I just would encourage you to jump into a gospel account. Because they're just they're great. You know, I mean, obviously that was the most rhetorical, basic statement you could have ever heard a pastor say. The gospels are great. They are great. They are great. And they they display Jesus. I for sure am saying to you that that every book of the Bible displays Jesus, but the Gospels, right? I mean, there's just such a beautiful display of the person of Jesus and his work in people's lives, the miracles that he accomplished. And let me just say this if you're looking for miracles, you don't have to look to ancient history 2000 years ago to find a miracle. You can look to this room right here today because this house is full of miracles. This room is full of stories, full of amazing stories of how God has rescued and delivered. And. And I said he that Thursday night or last Sunday morning, like there are trophies of grace here, trophies of grace, and especially true with marriages.

Speaker [00:04:28] Stories about how Jesus has healed, marriages headed for divorce, how he changed, broken, hopeless, lifeless, loveless marriages into powerhouses of fidelity, faithfulness, strength, and vitality. And and he does it real time. He does a real time. He does it right now in our lives. He does it in the in the midst of the mess. And you know, if you've been married for any length of time. That it gets messy. Then it gets messy, right? Right. If you. Hey, if you've been married for a long time and I drop down some some principles of wisdom that you've that you have learned over the course of time, it's okay for you to amen that out loud today. Because, you know, sometimes people have the perception, you know, either they're on the side of marriage where they're not married yet or they're really, really young in their marriage and they're expecting perfection. They, you know, will discover that there's no perfect marriage. And sometimes that's hard to articulate out loud. You know, a screen came up, Gary and Tony were talking about the resources that we have. It's like, hey, you can scan the QR code, you can scan the QR code. And inevitably somebody is like, dude, if I pull out my phone right now and scan the QR code, people are going to know that I need help with my marriage. Like, don't tell me there's not someone in the in the house today that that didn't cross their mind. And I would just say, who doesn't need help with their marriage? Like who? Who doesn't need help with their marriage? All of us need help with our marriage. And Jesus is the one who is able to rescue us. To get to a place where your marriage is being rescued and worked on and is full of fidelity, faithfulness, strength, and vitality.

Speaker [00:06:22] You know, to get there, you have to look to Jesus and you have to commit. You have to be willing. You have to be willing to commit. God glorifying, strong and satisfying marriages come when you are committed to Christ and your spouse, and the plan and the plan God has for your marriage. Let me just say that again. God glorifying, strong and satisfying marriages come when you are committed to Christ, your spouse and the plan. God the plan. Say God the plan God has for your marriage. Some of you have a plan for your marriage, and you know, what you've done is you've told God to modify his plan to your plan. So you're really living your plan for your marriage, not God's plan. And I'm saying to you today, like I did last week, that that we are the ones who adapt. We are the ones who modify. We are the ones who change our plan so that it is matching the plan of God. And I said this last week, you know, in a gospel centered marriage, I was saying to you, hey, you, you and I need to have if you're married, we need to have gospel centered marriages. It was a it was a title for last week's teaching. We need to have gospel centered marriages. And that simply means that a couple mutually acknowledges their shared purpose to radiate Jesus's love for his people and his people's love for him. I'm saying you have two people, a husband and a wife, one man. Let me just make sure we're clear on this one man, one woman committed to each other for a lifetime. That's the biblical prescription of marriage. And I know, I know, I know, the world is proposing also for all sorts of alternatives.

Speaker [00:08:17] But listen, this is what God intended from the beginning. There's just no there's no way around it. And what God wants is for a husband and a wife to mutually agree the purpose that God has. And we talked about this beautiful metaphor, this one living illustration that the father has chosen to display the love of Jesus for his people and the love of his people for him. And that is the institution of marriage. It's the institution of marriage. I remember years ago, this is a long time ago, when I shot a handgun for the very first time. I know you're wondering where this is going. It'll make sense in a minute. We whole bunch of friends, we went shooting, and I had a handgun. I'd never shot it before, and I didn't have any instruction. I didn't have anyone, you know, that had really given me the, the basics of how to shoot a handgun. And I didn't want to, like, totally look like, an idiot newbie. So I didn't tell anybody I'd never shot a handgun before. And so we're all lined up, you know, there's, there's all these targets that are out there. There's a bottle, there's little, silhouettes of critters. There's, you know, cans and things like that. And and so we're lined up and we're shooting, and I'm shooting like, I've seen people shoot on television, you know, which is just as fast as you can pull the trigger, right? And I'm like, bullets are flying all over the place. Shell casings, you know? And my friend comes up to me and, and he says to me, he's like, why don't you try aiming? And I'm like, I'm like, yeah. You know, it is is really hard to hit a target if you're not aiming.

Speaker [00:10:02] And some, some of some of your marriages are like that. Some of your marriages are like that. You know, bullets are flat, there's noise and there's action and bullets are flying and there's collateral damage. And the the reality is this you are aiming for the right target. That's been the problem all along. You can't hit the target. You can't hit the target because either you're not aiming for it or you don't even know what the target is. And fellas, I want to say to you today, the Bible gives us the target. The Bible gives us the target. I'm not sure where you've learned, what you should be aiming for as a husband. I'm not sure if it's been your family of origin. Maybe. And maybe you had a good example, you know, thank God for that. Thank God for that. But. But there's still something more. Maybe it's your family of origin and, you know, your family of origin is shaped. What you think, being a good husband is all about. Maybe it's the the media and the culture and the society that has influenced you into understanding what you think being a good husband is all about. I want to tell you today, Paul gives us, in very unvarnished terms, what the target that God expects us to hit is. Do you think you can handle that today? Can you handle it today? I'm going to talk to husbands today. But listen, this message is for everybody. Because, for you wives, for sure. There's going to be something for you to get out of it. If you're single today, it'll be something that you can get out of it too. Because if you're a single woman today, what you're going to see is the standard that you ought to be looking for in the person that you're going to marry.

Speaker [00:11:54] It's not just about their looks, right. It's not just about their looks. It's not just about their influence and their capacities and and their, proficiencies and their education and and their finances. Now, this is the standard. And if you are an unmarried man here today, this is what you ought to be preparing yourself for. And let me just say this. There's no exceptions. There's no exceptions. I know inevitably when I teach something like this, there's there's a guy out there in the congregation that's already justifying why this message doesn't matter to him. Right? Why this doesn't really apply, why he can say today, hey, you know, I might as well tune out because, you know, this is for everybody else, but this isn't for me today. I just want to make sure we understand. We want no husband left behind, okay? We want no husband. We want no husband left behind. And guys, you know, like we, we have we all have PhDs in how to justify our way out of a message applying to our lives sometimes, you know, it's like, well, I pastor, that's great that you've got a target and that the Bible says that, but I'm too busy. I'm too busy working. I work hard to provide for my family. And it's blood, sweat and tears 70 hours a week. And so don't add something else to my schedule. Or maybe some of you are thinking you could tune out because you have an unhappy marriage. It's like, well, you know, my marriage isn't happy and it doesn't really justify me living like that in the first place because my wife doesn't meet my expectations. And when my wife meets my. You know how this goes. When my wife meets my expectations, then maybe I'll start living like that.

Speaker [00:13:49] Or maybe, you know, you're sitting here today and and you're. And you're thinking, well, I just I'm a victim. You have. You have no idea who you're talking to. I'm a victim. I never had a good example. I never had a father who was who was committed to me as a son and really teaching me what it was, what what it's like to to love, a wife as Christ loves the church. And and, you know, if that's the case. Hey, listen, you know, I'm sorry. I'm sorry for that. But you have a Heavenly Father now. You have a heavenly father. And and he wants to he wants to to give you instruction sometimes. And I'm just trying to make sure. I'm trying to make sure I hit all the excuses today. All right. Sometimes guys, you know, they'll say, well, you know, that spiritual stuff is for you, spiritual people. You, you know, you guys, you handle this spiritual stuff, and my wife handles the spiritual stuff, and, you know, she handles that department in our marriage. You know, maybe somebody is here today and you're like, well, I'm not I'm not a Christian. I'm not a Christian. And so that's what God expects from Christians. And I would just say to, you know, that's what God expects from all husbands. And so what you need to do if you're not a Christian is put your trust and faith in Jesus Christ so you have a personal relationship with him, can be filled with his love, so that you can live out the expectation that God has for your marriage. And I will say, as we as we tackle very briefly today, this section of scripture, I'm a very practical individual. You know, I don't I really do.

Speaker [00:15:27] I just feel like it sometimes. But I like people just to get to the point and just to say it like it is, and to show me what is needed to be done so I can do it. And today, guys, I want to speak very practically to you about this portion of Scripture. Paul starts off with husbands, love your wives as Christ loved the church. Husbands, love your wives, husbands, love your wives. Husbands give. In other words, husbands, give away what Jesus has given to you. I just want to say, fellas, to to start off, you got to be going to the source you to be able to fulfill the prescription of God for you, for you to hit the target that God has intended in your marriage for you as a husband, you have to you have to be going to the source of true love and getting yourself filled up on a regular basis. You got to be connected to the source, and the source is not your news outlet. The source, you're like, well, you know, pastor. Yeah. If you if you were to evaluate your week, how much time and I'm not reducing the time that we spend with Jesus just to devotion time on a daily basis. But how much time do you spend engaging with Christ in prayer, in the word being filled up with his love, as it's related to the amount of time you spend engaging in what's happening in the culture and the society around us. And I'm not saying that that's not important because it is. But sometimes we get our priorities out of order. You know, we need to go to the source, which is not your news outlet. It's not your hobby. It's not your friends that you play poker with.

Speaker [00:17:18] Jesus is the source. Jesus is the source. And you and I have to be getting God's love on a regular basis, because you can't give something away that you yourself don't have. You can't give something away that you yourself don't have. Like, this is a principle that we see in Scripture. Joshua couldn't lead the people into the Promised Land unless he himself was being led first. Paul could not plant churches across Asia minor that were preaching the message of salvation. If Paul himself wasn't saved first. And you can't love your wife as Christ loves the church unless you yourself have his love, unless you yourself possess his love. Look, if you're if you're spouse, if your wife knows Jesus, she has her faith and she has her relationship with God, and she is receiving the love of Jesus from him, but that's her faith. And you have to have your faith, and you have to have your own personal relationship with Jesus, where you are receiving his love in your heart. And I say that today because if you look at churches across the nation today, 60% of, the people who go to church is in any given church in our country are women, and a good percentage of those women are married, and a good percentage of those women are married to men who think, well, you know what? The spiritual thing is her thing. And as long as she's right with God, I'm right with God. And I'm saying to you today that just because she's right with God doesn't mean you're right with God. God doesn't want a relationship with you through your wife. God wants a relationship with you through Jesus, his son. There's only one mediator that stands between God the Father and us, and that's the son, Jesus Christ.

Speaker [00:19:30] And so, fellas, you know what I'm talking about here. Paul isn't saying to husbands, hey, you should know about God's love. He is saying, you should know God's love. You should know God's love. There's a big difference between knowing about something and knowing it yourself personally. And today I'm saying stuff that that you may already know, and you may be able to quote the Bible verses, and you might be able to correct other guys on how they should be loving their wife. And I'm just saying, hey, do you know his love? Are you receiving his love? I shared last week a little bit about my relationship with Rachel and and I've said to you guys that, I prayed for her for so many months. How many of you guys were here last week? I'm just curious. All right. I prayed for her for months. Right. And I. I knew things about Rachel, but I didn't know her yet. I knew things about her because people were telling me things about her. And I knew things about her because I was watching her. Not like in a creepy stalker kind of way. But but I mean, it might have been creepy a couple of times, you know, because as I'm sitting there like, you know, you know what I'm talking about anyway, anyway, I'm taking it information. I'm taking it information. And but none of it was first hand. It was all stuff either that I was observing or that somebody else had told me. It wasn't until we started spending time together. It wasn't until we started talking and building a relationship. It wasn't until we were having experiences together that I really began to know her personally. And I'll just tell you, that is a lifelong journey.

Speaker [00:21:07] I'm still learning things about my wife. I'm still paying attention. I am still wanting to discover, you know, the profoundness and the beauty of who she is. And I know that that is, a commitment and experience that lasts a lifetime. And it's the same thing in our relationship with God. You know, we we it's not just for us to learn things about God from other people. It's about spending time with him. It's about having experiences. It's about man when he is holding on to you, when you're on top of the mountain, and when you're in the bottom of the valley, and you yourself can say that God has done this and that in your life, not because he's done it in somebody else's life, but he has done fellahs he has done it in your life. You have to spend time with Jesus. Number one, go to the source because you can't give his love away unless you're getting it yourself. And let me just say, your cup has to be filled with his love on a daily basis. It's like the Israelites when they're collecting manna. God didn't just like, pour out manna for a month. You know what I'm saying? God's like, hey, this is what you're going to do. You're going to gather it every single day. And if you're going to try to eat yesterday's manna, the problem is it's going to fester and be filled with worms, because I want you gathering on a daily basis. And that's the intention that God has for you and for me. It's like, hey, I spent time with God last month. No, that's not the way. That's not the way it works. You need a daily dependance on him. As you do that.

Speaker [00:22:39] Set your standard fella's, set your standard. I didn't say set these standard. I said set your standard. There's a difference between setting the love of Jesus as the standard and setting the love of Jesus as our standard, because you can acknowledge something as true. And yet that doesn't necessarily mean it's true for you. You can affirm something. And like I said, I'm I'm speaking to some of us who walk with God for a long time, and we probably could preach the message ourselves. But the question is this as we speak the truth, are we living the truth no. The standard isn't just B standard. The standard has to be our standard. We should be able to say, man, this is my standard for what it means to be a husband. The love of Jesus Christ. Fellas, I want you to say out loud today, Jesus is my standard. Yeah, the church is a love story. The church is a love story. Some of you guys are like, oh dude, he's going to talk like chick flick language right now. And let me just talk a little chick flick language to you, all right? You know he is love the church with an intimate love. He has love the church with a tender love. He is. Love the church gently. You know, this is the love of Jesus for you and for me. You know, he didn't just, like, roll in and and pound on the door and kick it in and get your arm behind your back and force you into believing he wooed you. He would you he spoke to you. He gently drew you with bands of loving kindness. He was working in your life, leading people who knew him into your life and shaping circumstances over the course of time.

Speaker [00:24:29] He was patient. He knew you and your profile and your personality and what was going to minister to you. Because it's not just that he studied you, he created you. And that man. That's a beautiful thing. That's a beautiful thing. He's loved us with an intimate love. So the love story of the church is like a chick flick, but it's also like an action adventure war movie, you know, it is so for you, for you fellows. Right. Who, like. That's a big deal. Remember with me today, Jesus fought for you. He fought for you. He fought hard for you. He fought a battle that you could never fight. Yourself. He went hand-to-hand combat with principalities and powers and rulers of darkness. He went to war. He destroyed them through his own sacrificial living as he hung on the cross. For you and for me. Jesus went to war for his bride. He fights for you like that. You know, men today need to fight for their wives. Men today need to fight for their wives. And I'll talk to guys like that. There are times, you know, when a man will come to me and say, hey, you know what? It's just like we've got irreconcilable differences, and she doesn't like me, and I don't like her. And, you know, we weren't. We weren't Christians when we got married in the first place. I'm like, what? What does that have to do with anything? You're married now. Fool. You're married now. Like, what are you talking about? And you know, the guy will go on and on, and I'm like, dude, because, you know, I. This is why Toni has not invited me to be part of the biblical Counseling team. I'm like, stop! Fight for your marriage.

Speaker [00:26:12] Fight for your wife. You want to know what women want? They want a man who is going to fight for them. They want a man who cares enough. They want. They want a man who want a man who is willing to go to war. Right? They want a man who is willing to to prioritize them over everything else. Because Jesus did it for us. He did it for us. He didn't quit on the cross when he was hanged on the cross. He didn't look at at us in the future and say, well, they're never going to fulfill my expectations and they're never going to meet my needs. And, and, you know, they're going to look good for a period of time. But then as they get older, you know, they're there. What they offer from a physical point of view is going to change. And he didn't give a whole bunch of reasons and excuses why he had the opportunity to look for someone new or to make a change. No, he hung all the way through until he said it is finished. Guys, fulfill the vow that you've made to your wife, the wife of your youth. Don't quit halfway through. Don't throw in the towel. Don't give up. Fight for her because that's. That's Jesus's. That's Jesus's love. Paul unpacks, you know, in some detail, what Christ's love is like. And there's just three things today, guys, I would say. And as I give you three these three words, I want you to say them out loud after I say them. And if you don't say them with enough gusto. I will stretch this message out till till the next service, which is 6:30 tonight. But but but you know, as we kind of synthesize what Paul is saying, Paul is saying love your wife like Jesus, love the church.

Speaker [00:28:02] And that means, number one, that means to give, say, give. Yeah. This is what he did. He gave his life. He gave his life. He couldn't have given more. I want to remind us, and I say us because I know some of you guys are like, you know what you're just saying? You this and you that. And what about you, pastor? You know, I'll listen to you when you include yourself. Okay. Okay. Us, us. We are called. We are called to give. Because being a husband is about giving, not taking. Being our husband who loves like Jesus loves is about giving, not taking as Christ loved us. You can't be in a relationship to get and not give and some of our marriages. That's exactly what it looks like. It is all about us all the time. Let me ask you a question today. Do you give as good as you get? If you about some lives are like a preach it pastor. Do you give do you give as good as you get? And listen, don't. Don't misunderstand me. Today. I'm not saying that a marriage, a healthy marriage, a vibrant marriage, you know, a strong marriage is when two people come together and one gives 50 and the other gives 50, and you put the two together and it's 100. I'm not saying that today. I'm saying to us as husbands, it's 100. It's 100. Say 100 is a hundred. Even if you're getting zero in return, it's 100. If you're getting 25, in return, it's 100. If you're getting 50 in return. In other words, you and I are called to love even when we're not being loved back. Jesus's love is that kind of love is that unconditional, self-giving love that gave it all when it got nothing in return? Not only that, but it's a type of love that initiates.

Speaker [00:29:58] It's a type of love that initiates. Jesus wasn't looking for us to take the step first, and then he responded to us like there's no relationship with Christ in this room that is ever operated like that. It wasn't as if you showed up one day on his doorstep and we're just like, so spiritual and so filled with, you know, this amazing love for him and self-sacrificial service and all the things you've done for him. And he's like, oh man, my heart's won over. You're so amazing. You've won my heart over. How could I not? How could I not love you? How could I not give you salvation? That's not the way it worked. Like he rolled in in our lives when we were a total mess. When we wanted nothing to do with him. When we were resisting him. When we were demanding our own way. And he took the first step. He initiated Fellas. The when we love like Jesus loves, it means that we initiate it. We initiated. In other words, we're not waiting for our wives to fulfill our expectations. And when they fulfill our expectations, then we'll love. That is not the way that biblical, husband hood. I don't even know if that's a word. Biblical husband hood work. Sometimes guys are like, you know what, pastor? You'll notice in Ephesians chapter five that he gives the command to the wife first because she's supposed to do that. And then when she does that, then I do my part right. So when my wife submits to me is under the Lord and I'm like, no, dear, you've met, you've missed the point. You've missed the point. I he he did. Ladies first because he's considered and loving to to women. But you still are called to be.

Speaker [00:31:41] You're still called to be the leader. You're called to be the initiator, and you're called to love to the point that it hurts. That's what sacrificial love is. Sacrificial love is to give to the point that it actually hurts. And we're able to do that because at the end of the day, husbands, we know it's not about us. I didn't get a lot of amens in the in the first service either. Okay. The second word guys I have for us today is the word work. Say work. Work. He he he works. Jesus works not only on the cross, but what he does for the church. He sanctifies the church. He sanctifies the church with the washing of the water of the word. So you are if you're a follower of Jesus, you're being sanctified. In other words, there's this patient, lifelong work of Christ in your life that is leading you towards an intended purpose. That's that's what it means to be sanctified. There's this consistent patient, day by day work, loving work of Jesus in your life, molding and shaping you towards this intended purpose and the intended purpose. Romans 8:28 to 30 is that you bear the image of the sun. One day you'll be presented before the father by the son, and you will fully and completely bear his image, his glorious image. You will radiate the image of Jesus, and that the radiating of the image will be connected to his faithful work, day by day, month by month, year after year in your life. That's what that's what he is doing in your life. And hey, that's what he's doing in your wife's life. That's what he's doing in your wife's life. Let me just say it again. That's what he's doing in your wife's life.

Speaker [00:33:33] And so what he's saying here. Sorry. You know what? Sometimes my beard gets too long, and it does that. So what are you saying? Here is this. You need to partner. You need a partner. You need to be a partner in the work of God and the wife of your life. The wife of your life or the life of your wife. Either way, because it's the same thing, right? There is something that God is doing in your wife's life. And so you need to be intentionally engaged. You need to be interested in what God is doing. You need to be you need to be involved. You need to be present. You need to be spiritually leading your wife. I want to encourage us as as men, that we ought to be working with Jesus as he's sanctifying and shaping our wives, not working against him. The third word I have for you today is the word see. So say, see, on our wedding day, it was, you know, our wedding day was amazing. It was up in the Lake Arrowhead area at Green Valley Youth camp. We were at a church that was owned by Calvary Chapel Costa mesa. And the whole Bible college was invited because my wife's dad was the president of the Bible College. And so on our wedding day, there were 500 Bible college students packing the church. And they weren't there for our wedding. They were there for a free meal. Like, I mean, I think at the end of the day, that's that's what it was really all about. It was hustle. It was bustle. It was chaos. It was crazy. But when the doors opened and my wife walked through those doors, my my future wife, my bride, Rachel was radiating the beauty of God.

Speaker [00:35:19] She was just lit up, and I can still see her face today. And her smile on that particular day, she had prepared herself and everything else faded to black. Everything else faded to black, and all I could see was this beautiful woman that God had been gracious enough to entrust to me. And as she's walking down the aisle, I'm thinking, man, how can such a beautiful woman marry such an ugly guy? You know, it's just the grace of God. But she had prepared herself. She thought about that day. She thought about that day, and she was radiating glory. I want to tell you guys that that Jesus has a vision for us for our particular day as well is called the marriage supper of the lamb. He he sees. Yeah, right. He has a vision. He has a vision. He sees what he's going to do and everything that he does. Like I said in your life, in my life is working towards this glorious day where his relationship with us will ultimately be consummated in the marriage supper of the lamb. And and, fellas, I'm saying this for your wife. Maybe today. Your wife is not a follower of Jesus. She's not a believer. Well, listen, let's just start with step one. Radiate the love of Christ to her so that she is one to Jesus because she sees his love real time through your life. All right. But we need to have a vision for our wives. We need to have a vision for our wives. We need to see what it is that God sees. And, you know, as men, we can have a vision for all sorts of things. We can have a vision for the business we're building. We can have a vision for our ambitions and how we're going to get there.

Speaker [00:37:08] And the education that that we need, the networking that needs to happen, the connections that we need to make. We can have a vision for our hobbies. We can plan it all out. We're going to go fishing, we're going to go hunting, we're going to go shooting. And you know, we can spend so much time building up that vision. We can work on cars and get an old 72 Chevy Blazer. That's just a pile of junk, and we can put up a picture and have a vision and work towards it. I'm saying to you, for all of those things in your life, first and foremost and primary should be the vision that Jesus has for your wife, and you should be caught up in the spiritual gifts that God has given her, and how you can come alongside to, to see and to make sure that she is everything that God has intended her to be. That you are praying that you are platforming, that you are preparing, that you are shaping your life in such a way where your wife can shine for the glory of God. And you know that day she will be like a bride presented in all of her splendor, wrinkle free and without blemish. Right? I sound like, I sound like either a plastic surgery center or. Or, you know, someone who sells cosmetics. And and we're talking about we're talking about the powerful, eternal work of Jesus and someone's. Life and you can't minimize that. You and I should not minimize that. As husbands. I was reading a commentary and the commentary said this. I thought it was worth putting up on the screen for you in the light of Christ, complete giving of himself to make the church holy and cleanse her husbands should be utterly committed to their wives total well-being, especially their spiritual state.

Speaker [00:38:59] Man, I thought I thought that was good. You know, I was just thinking about this when Gary and Toni were given announcements and. You know, there are some strong things that are being said today. And there's a there's a high standard that's being set out. And the truth is we all we're all growing in this. We're all growing in this. And, you know, today maybe if you're if you're not married, I'm saying to you, like, this is the picture of how you want to be preparing yourself now before you make the promise. And the one word today that I have for us as husbands is the word commit. You and I need to commit to it. We need to commit to it as Jesus is in a committed relationship with you, you know he's in a committed relationship with you. He's not looking to dump you for someone new. He's not measuring your expectations and seeing how you come up short. And so he's out surveying the field, seeing what other opportunities he can get his hands on. Know he is committed to you in such a way that the Bible calls him the author and finisher of our faith. He's committed to you in such a way where the Bible says, you can be confident that he who has began a good work, and you will complete it until the day of Christ Jesus. Paul Paul wraps this up and he and he's emphasizing he's emphasizing this point. He's emphasize it by emphasizing it by saying the two shall become one. Look what's happened. And it doesn't matter whether you are Christians or not. Christians when you got married. I love officiating wedding ceremonies because when I do, and there's a husband and a wife who are taking vows before each other, before God and before people, there is there is a work that God does in supernaturally binding those two together as one.

Speaker [00:40:57] It is a supernatural work of God, and it's intended. Remember, we're radiating the true unity. It is intended to be a lifelong commitment, which is why Jesus says, what God has joined together. Let no man separate. Paul says, hey, you know, the truth is this you are so tightly connected. You know, the reality is you are so one that whoever loves his wife loves himself. No man ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes it and cherishes it. In other words, when you take care of yourself or when you take care of your wife, you are taking care of yourself. No guy woke up in the morning and said, hey, I think I'll cut my arm off or my leg off, or I'll cut my body in half. No one would do that because every member of your body makes up the whole body. And that is that is similar to marriage. You are that connected to your spouse. That means you can't be half in. I've talked a lot today. That means you can't throw in the towel when it gets hard. You know what I'm saying? That means you can't throw the towel in when it gets hard. That. That means you can't just say, hey, I didn't think it was going to be like this. I didn't think it was going to be like this. You know, you're not the man. You're not the man. And I will tell you today, right? There are extreme situations of things like physical abuse that we deal with in biblical guidance, and that where we would be blessed to come alongside of you to help you with. But the vast majority of reasons why people feel justified to throw in the towel never even reach that point.

Speaker [00:43:03] They just never even reach that point. The fact is this you're just you're you're your flesh is not being fulfilled the way that you thought it was going to be fulfilled. And the culture around you and your unbelieving friends are more than happy. And even sometimes your Christian friends more than happy to say, hey, listen man, there's so many better options for you out there. Cut loose from this one and find the next one. And the Bible is the Bible is saying, when you took that vow, the intention that that God has for you is that you would be committed for a lifetime. You want the blessing. You've got to be committed. You want the blessing. You got to be committed. You want to flourish. You have to have the fidelity. And for this picture to work, we're talking about the biblical picture of marriage. You've got to be committed in three spheres of your life. Let me just tell you something today. I have the privilege of telling you the truth, and I don't think you want to go to. And it may be a little challenging today. I don't think you want to go to a church where you're being lied to. I don't think you want to go to a church. That's that's Christianity lite. I don't think you want to go to a church where you know you're going to get a message that really is candy coated and not saying it to you the way that the Bible says it. And so I just want to speak straight to you because you deserve it. You deserve to hear the truth. And if you can't get truth in church, you know what I'm talking about. You can lie to everywhere else.

Speaker [00:44:36] You better get the truth here. And so fella's. Fellas, I'm saying I'm saying to us today, I'm saying to us, we have to be committed in three spheres of our life. And and the reality is this is essential because as the family goes, so goes our society. Right as a family goes, so goes our society. Some of us are like, well, if we could just get a new person in the white House, or if we can't get a majority in the legislature, or if we could get the people that we wanted in the judiciary. And I'm not saying that those things aren't important, but those things aren't the reason why our society is in the decay. That is, it is in today. The decay of our society is the dissolution of the nuclear family. That's the reality. And so. So hey, if we are serious about seeing a transformation in our society, it starts in our marriages. Right. So you and I need to be committed to God. We need to be committed to God. We need to be worshipers. We need to live our lives in such a way, man, that we have no other gods before him, that we are dependent daily on his love so that we can be filled with his love, to give it away freely. The second sphere is we need to be committed to our wives. We need to be all in with our wives as Christ is all in for us. And the third area we need to be committed is to our church. Because this whole metaphor shines in the context of the local church and the world. Like you can't have this metaphor work without the community of the people of God. Like you can't just be a a disconnected couple out there in the world and even expect that you're going to hit the target that God intended.

Speaker [00:46:32] No, it is intended to be lived out in the community of God's people. Last week, as I wrapped up the 9 a.m. service. A husband came to man, came to me, and he looked at me and said, hey, pastor, you know, I was finalizing my divorce tomorrow, but after today's message, I'm not going to I'm not going to go through with my divorce anymore. And I, and I was so grateful, so grateful for the work of God in his life. But that was his life. I don't know what God is speaking to you. I don't know what God is speaking to you today. I know this that God gives revelation so that we can make application. There must be something that God is speaking to you today to apply to your life. And so, fellas, I would say to you today, just do it.